Freddie can't be stopped!
Dwight Otwell

From the Porch

I give up. Freddie just keeps getting stronger and stronger.

The other day, I pulled the indestructible banana plant from his tomb underneath the house.

He was encased in black, garbage bags. In the past, I have been encouraged after pulling Freddie from his winter hibernation to see that he looked dead - dried up stalk with no leaves. However, Freddie always came slowly back to life, like the Frankenstein monster or Freddie of Nightmare on Elm Street fame. The Hollywood Freddie came back in ever worsening sequels. That's why I named the banana plant Freddie. He seems to be the banana plant that won't die.

I guess you need a brief history of how I came to possess a banana plant in these mountains. We all know that banana plants belong in South America or Hawaii. We, in the South, have much better plants - like kudzu and poison ivy.

However, our friends Ron and Shirley, who are usually very nice people, gave us a banana plant in the fall of 2002 to remind us of Hawaii, where we have vacationed twice.

A banana plant supposedly won't live through our mountains so every fall I must dig the plant up and store it under the house. Every spring, I must pull the banana plant out and plant it again.

This year, as I pulled the garbage bags off each end of the banana plant, I was surprised to see that it still had one green leaf, folded up as if just emerging from the stalk of the plant. Never before, has there been any green on Freddie after the long winter.

So, it appears that Freddie will start the season stronger than ever. It is no telling how big he will grow this year. He may even be strong enough to uproot himself on summer nights when the moon is full and romp around terrorizing the deer and raccoons - maybe even the neighbors. How would you feel if you were peacefully watching television and a crazed banana plant peered through your window at you?

I have asked Susan to let Freddie remain in the ground in the winter. Perhaps, that is the only way to get rid of the menace. But I fear it is too late. Freddie is getting stronger every year. He may now be able to withstand the mountain winters.

So, dear reader, this is my annual column about Freddie, the banana plant - unless there are other revolting developments.