From the Porch
Handicapped by a clothing salesmen
Dwight Otwell

My life is in a shambles and its all because of a clothing salesman at J.C. Penny's.

Previously, my life was happy. I lived with confidence and saw the world as a wonderful place with so many things to be grateful for and as a place of endless possibilities and surprises.

However after all these years of thinking that I was blessed with good health and an adequate body, I discovered that I have a handicap.

My wife Susan cajoled me into buying a sports coat at J.C. Penny's because it had a sale and we had coupons to get extra dis- counts. I com- plained that I already had a suit and a sports coat, which I wear infre- quently. What in the world would I do with one more - put it on display like a flag at the mailbox?

The salesman in that department was a veteran. He asked me what size coat I wear. "I don't know," I cleverly answered. He told me, without measuring, exactly what size I wear. I tried on a coat that size and it fit perfectly.

But his accomplished eye spotted something that I have lived all of these years without knowing. He said one of my arms was longer than the other. I reach my arms out in all directions and I can't tell. But he must know what he is talking about.

Knowing that I am damaged goods has lowered my self esteem. I think I am sinking into an inferiority complex I haven't experienced since I was 14-years-old.

If one arm is longer than the other, I must list to one side. That means that I am off balance. Hiking a mountain trail, my longer arm could shift my weight to one side and I might tumble down an embankment.

If I fall off a ledge and reach up with my shorter arm, I might not be able to grasp something to hang onto. Are people looking and staring at me because I look odd? Should I run off and join a carnival?

"Come in folks, " the barker would yell. "See the amazing man who has one arm longer than the other."

I know I am being silly. I have managed to get along all these years with unmatched arms. By the way, I purchased the coat. I'm not even going to have it altered to make one sleeve a little shorter or the other sleeve a little longer.